Moving away is hard. Especially when the majority of your friends are still going to be together. My now-college-freshman-friends are all spread out so while of course I miss them, they aren’t as hard to be away from because I know they have to go through the new friend process as well. Most of my friends are in the grade below me, so when I left nothing changed for them. For me, my whole world changed. But for them, this week they go back to the same school and listen to the same teachers teach along side their same group of friends.
It’s hard seeing pictures and hearing the stories of my friends having such a good time with each other. What I have to remind myself is that it’s not that I wasn’t invited, it’s that I am 2000 miles away and physically can not attend. It has nothing to do with them ditching me, it’s about me starting my new life and not being able to be there with them. That’s what I need to tell myself. But my insecurities somehow take over and end up convincing me that my friends don’t want me to hang with them and that they wouldn’t have invited me even if I hadn’t moved. Which is completely not true.
I’ve always been a bit of a jealous person who suffers SERIOUS FOMO (fear of missing out) but I don’t publically show it. I’m not clingy or anything like that, I just tend to feel really down about myself when I miss out on something or get left out.
My family settled on a church to call home and I went for the first time yesterday. It was the first Sunday in a month that I wasn’t working the 10-5:30 shift so I was able to go. What the pastor preached about made me realize the root of my jealousy. Usually, when people give jealousy advice they say to focus on other things. At least that’s what I have always been told. But I realized that I need to not stop looking at the situation, but to look at it a different way.
It’s actually kind of simple. In order for me to be happy I need to be happy for other people. Instead of wishing for what my friends have, I need to be praising God for what he has given them. I want my first reaction to be a smile in my heart instead of a fake one on my face. I want to be genuinely happy instead of envious and secretly hoping things go bad. I don’t want things to go badly for my friends. I love them. But when things do there are moments where I am glad they didn’t get what I wanted. It’s awful and it disgusts me, but it’s the truth. It isn’t always this way just in certain moments where I find myself in this mindset. Once I start being happy for people I won’t have a need to be jealous. So that’s what I am going to start doing … or try to start doing. well, see how this goes!
– The Girl With FOMO
Check my next post for a list of things that help with jealousy