I opened Twitter this morning to find 3 tweets that nearly knocked the wind out of me. Why? Because they snapped me into reality.
I know, I know… Kendrick Lamar isn’t one of those inspiration filled accounts you thought I would be referring to. But read those tweets again.
Ok so now you can imagine my morning. The middle tweet, the one I retweeted, is what really pushed me over the edge. For a few days now I have been considering cleaning out my friend list on snapchat and Instagram. Unaware that it was Best Friends day, after reading these tweets I decided to stop thinking and start doing. So I went to Instagram first. I removed more people than I thought I would. The final result was over 200 people that I at one point enjoyed looking at their pictures. Now? Now I cringe and sometimes tears well up in my eyes as I look at the faces of those who have betrayed me. Then came Snapchat. I recently opened up to my roommate about my friendship difficulties, and she was originally the one who mentioned the whole Snapchat removal thing. That was a few weeks ago and it took me that long to actually work up the courage to press ‘unfriend.’ Today I did it. I took that step. Like I said in my last post, I feel older. It may sound selfish, but I feel sort of above all the crap I was put through in high school. After I had unfriended 5 or 6 people on snapchat, I went back to my usual morning routine of responding to people who snapped me over night. As I scrolled through the geo filters and other snapchat accessories, I realized it was National Best Friends Day.
(These are the filters I saw.)
I had no idea that it was BFD and at that moment I completely broke down. I had been so proud of myself for finally going through with what needed to be done, and then I found out that I ended my friendship with my best friend on a holiday dedicated to friendship. Out of all the days. Out of all 365 days of the year, and all the pointless holidays we have, it had to be this one.
I started getting messages from my ‘ex-best friend’ a few hours later. Even though I had unfriended her she could still send me messages. I didn’t open a single one. Then I started getting messages from another … friend … who I had no problem blocking. And finally, I got a call from a friend who I did want to hear from. She called out of the blue and ranted to me about everything going on in her life and the whole time I was just thinking how she had no idea how much I needed a call from a real friend. She had no idea that her call was the first thing that hadn’t made me sob all day. I didn’t tell her any of it, I just let her rant to me about what she needed to rant about and I sat there and listened. I had things I wanted to say, I had things I wanted to rant about so badly. But I didn’t because I wanted to be the person for her that no one ever was for me. Maybe it was God who prompted her to pick up the phone and call me. If it was, thank you, thank you, thank you!
Starting over is hard. It’s even harder with no friends, only a floor to sleep on, and only your WordPress lonely blog to rant to.
To my 40 something readers – thank you for reading, because seeing your views lets me know that somewhere there are 40 people who want to listen to what I say. I don’t know who you are or where you come from, but I’ll let you know that a mere 40 strangers who read my blog are more friends than I have anywhere else.
– The Lonely Fresh Starter