San Diego – I’m Here and I’m a Grown-up

I can’t believe graduation was only 1 week ago. Since theScreen Shot 2017-06-04 at 8.43.00 PMn, I’ve driven across the country to start the next chapter of my life, and I’ve never felt so many emotions at once. I’m terrified. Absolutely positively terrified of the unknown. My best friend drove across the country with me. If it weren’t for her, I wouldn’t have made it those 4 days without turning the car around and driving back to South Carolina which is no longer my home.

I feel different. You know how each year on your birthday someone will always ask if you feel older? I never knew that was something you could actually feel until I set my feet down in San Diego just a few days ago. I look around at people in a whole new way. When I see things that my friends who are still in high school are doing back in South Carolina, it feels like it was an eternity ago that I was alongside them doing the same things. When I see things on Snapchat and Instagram that I used to enjoy and love, I no longer have a desire to do them. I feel distant from my past… I feel… older. My friends text me and tell me about what I have missed since I’ve been gone, and it all seems so immature. It seems like the lives they are living are childish and pointless, and I can’t remember why I ever enjoyed it. It’s simple things gossiping and laughing and giggling that now just annoys me. I’m not saying it’s childish to go out and have fun, but the way my younger friends are doing it just seems so… lame? That sounds mean, and that’s not the way I want this to come across. I’m just not interested in the high school life anymore. I talked about it with my mom, and she said that a year ago I was exactly like them. I look back at Senior Year and can see how different it was than every other high school year before that. In 12th grade, we all just stopped caring about the crap. We didn’t try to dress to impress, to be in the coolest clique, to get better grades than our friends. We just finally relaxed and let ourselves be who we were. Although it may have been the most stressful year getting ready for college, it was IMG_4456also the most chill at the same time. I don’t completely understand it, but I think we all just realized that high school was coming to an end and that the people we felt the need to gossip about or judge weren’t going to be in our lives forever. We were all heading separate ways, and it was much more worth our time to be friendly with everyone than to only have a few select friends. Everyone’s cliques opened up a little bit, and in senior year I talked to people often who I had never said one word to before. It’s sad that we realized this in our last year together, but good that we learned this lesson at all. Senior year taught me more about myself than any year before.

 

I look back at Senior Year and can see how different it was than every other high school year before that. In 12th grade, we all just stopped caring about the crap. We didn’t try to dress to impress, to be in the coolest clique, to get better grades than our friends. We just finally relaxed and let ourselves be who we were. Although it may have been the most stressful year getting ready for college, it was also the most chill at the same time. I don’t completely understand it, but I think we all just realized that high school was coming to an end and that the people we felt the need to gossip about or judge weren’t going to be in our lives forever. We were all heading separate ways, and it was much more worth our time to be friendly with everyone than to only have a few select friends. Everyone’s cliques opened up a little bit, and in senior year I talked to people often who I had never said one word to before. It’s sad that we realized this in our last year together, but good that we learned this lesson at all. Senior year taught me more about myself than any year before.

I visited PLNU a few days ago and thankfully was satisfied with my decision to attend in the fall. I was a little worried I would return to the campus and find something I didn’t like, but it was even more perfect than last time I visited. It’s definitely where I am supposed to be. Now I have to find a job. Joy.

– The Grown-up

 

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